**Because Maggie has never actually seen Edward Scissorhands all the way through, this discussion on Edward Scissorhands is written by Maggie’s cop husband — merely transcribed from the longhand by Maggie.**
In my estimation, Edward Scissorhands would be the ideal date for my daughter. (I’m using the constant of his age when teh movie was filmed, mind you — I can’t think those hands would age well). Though I will be sitting on the front porch cleaning several guns at the time he arrives, as I would for any boyfriend of my daughter’s, here are the reasons I would be voting for him in particular:
1) Low or no sexual desire. I mean, seriously, you know he’s not been handling his own goods, if you know what I mean.
2) Even if the little maggot put the moves on my daughter, she’d never be able to hide the evidence. She’d look like she escaped from a cat fight.
3) Perfect guy to have in a fight to defend her.
4) You know he’s handy with yard work. We have those damn bushes up front that always need trimmed.
5) And finally, the fifth reason is my gentle reminder, as a cop, that a knife-wielding psycho can be justifiably shot at twenty feet. So you know Edward’s going to toe the line.
And that is why Edward Scissorhands could date my daughter.