LAMENTIGANZA, Day Two: Interview Faerie

Most people don’t know she exists. Not humans and not even her own kind. She doesn’t leave candy or money, she doesn’t hide her name or eat small children. What she does is make certain the secrets of faerie remain secret. When the Doors are breached, when the uninvolved become involved, she spreads her wings and picks up her briefcase to protect the realms of Underhill with a pencil, bifocals and legal pad.

CASE NUMBER: 53,878
Subject: Morgan, J.A.
B—-, Virginia, USA

Interviewer note: Subject sleeps sprawled and twisted in blankets. When I sat on his chest I had to poke him in the cheek to make him wake up. I don’t expect this to be a complicated interview.

Q: State your full name, please.

A: James A. Morgan. The A stands for Annabel. My parents hated me.

No, I’m kidding. The A stands for Antioch. My parents really hated me.

Actually, my dad and my uncle (who for the record is totally whacked) are both anthropologists, which means they dig crap up and then ask the friendlier natives why the hell they buried it in the first place. And I guess Antioch is somehow significant to both of them. I just tell people it’s a city named after me.

Interviewer Note: Boy does not even know the basic rules of safe interaction.

Q: Occupation?

A: What is this, a tax form? Sixteen year olds don’t have occupations. We are young and free and all that. Okay, here: I’m a pre-emancipated American teen of the musical variety. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Interviewer Note: subject is overtly hostile. Potentially problematic.

Q: How did you meet the Cloverhand?

A: She threw up on me the first day of second grade. I remember wondering how a girl that size could have so much inside her to barf out. As you can imagine, it was just one of those love-at-first-sight things.

And it became a pattern, you know? Her puking when she got nervous, me dodging . . . we’re, like, the perfect couple.

Q: What are your current feelings toward the Fey?

A: They can stick it where the sun don’t shine. People. My car. My freaking car. I’m definitely feeling ready to go toilet paper some fairy hills.

Interviewer Note: ask F—– about toilet paper. Does this constitute threat?

Q: Tell me about your own magical abilities? When did you first notice them?

A: My . . . what? Oh. Oh. The psychic thing. Yeah, I’m a crappy psychic. I think it runs in the family. In comparison to Dee and her freaky voodoo powers, I’m riding the magical equivalent of the short bus. But yeah. Weird things make me cold. And believe me, there’s been plenty to raise goosebumps lately.

Q: Do you have plans for your future? Assuming you survive, of course, dear boy.

A: World domination, baby. All the way.

Interviewer Note: I am considering a return visit when subject is not so sarcastic. I suspect, however, that opportunity will never arise.

_________________________________________________
by Maggie Stiefvater and Tessa Gratton. The Interviewee James is the sarcastic side-kick BFF in Maggie’s awesome debut novel, Lament: The Faerie Queen’s Deception. The Interviewer is based on the rambling, nonsensical imagination of Tessa.

32 thoughts on “LAMENTIGANZA, Day Two: Interview Faerie

  1. *LOL* I can just picture the interview.

    Reminder to self: I MUST introduce you to a friend of mine who is visiting faire on the last weekend.

  2. Keen. I’m glad you liked the interview.

    And I certainly know where *you’ll* be all faire weekend!

    James is my *favorite.*

  3. Just let me say: the teenage fangirl in me is screaming I WANT HIS BABIES!!

    The mature, adult fangirl in me, however, is ruminating on how nice it would be to have…okay, they’re thinking the same thing. But the teenager has more !!! going on I think. 😉

    ♥ ♥ ♥

  4. I will share your fangirl moment:

    JAMES IS SO HAWT! AND he only GETS BETTER! JAMES!

    This is kind of mean of me to say, but in BALLAD, you totally get a two-for-one. Meaning, teenage fangirl and mature, adult fangirl will both be TOTALLY SATISFIED. OMG. you have no idea.

    LOVE. (Ok we’re really talking LUST here. But, you know, that’s the basis for a LOT of True Love.)

  5. Is this the James I will love? In the book I can’t buy yet, cause I just noticed my card expired and I have to wait 5-7 days for the new one. BOO.

  6. Adult me: *sigh* Girl you are so not helping here.

    Teenage me: SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! SO MUCH WANT!! 😀

  7. This has made my day. Tenfold. To the point where James showed up in my brain and started rolling his eyes at my inner dialogues. He’s generally unconvinceds by my comment…

  8. Yay! I’m so glad. I love it when characters show up in my imagination like that. It’s a sign of a very well done character. And James is SO that.

  9. It is SO GOOD. Srsly. I love it. One of my favorite books ever. (Even though it isn’t technically a book yet.)

  10. Comments such as this make the year long wait much easier. 😉 But yeah, I’m definitely looking forward to it.

  11. Knowing James, he probably scoffs in your general direction. Don’t take it personally. He has a problem with displays of personal affection.

  12. There are always ARC giveaways to look forward to! That’s actually soon! Just after the new year.

  13. well, he was scoffing in my head when I wrote it. He seems to have moved in, although I’m not sure why. He’s perpetually mocking me for how much I let things matter… 😉

  14. Don’t let him fool you with his tough talk. He lets things get to him more than he lets on.

  15. Latest person on earth:

    OH WOW!!!
    Since Ballad’s already out, I can’t help but say…
    OKAY, THAT WAS AMAZINGLY JAMES
    Oh, and, um, do interview Dee & Nuala and Sullivan:
    Would Dee agree to share Luke?
    Oh, and would Nuala share?
    And does Sullivan like his new reindeer horns? Will he come over and play?

    Okay, THAT WAS AMAZING, and,
    Interviewer Note: I am considering a return visit when subject is not so sarcastic. I suspect, however, that opportunity will never arise.
    *laughs*

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